Asking Rembrandt
Asking Rembrandt
Next time you put on a pair of gloves you may never think of them in the same way again… worthy of Bernard Shaw at his best
Tim Hochstrasse, Off West End
First produced at the Old Red Lion, Islington. Having rubbed most of the Amsterdam establishment the wrong way, with his creditors foreclosing on the loan for his house, and with the Church accusing him of living ‘in sin’ with Hendrickje, you’d think Rembrandt would be grateful for the attentions of the well-connected Jan Six and the odd lucrative commission he can still bring the ageing master’s way. But when Rembrandt asks Six for a loan, and Six asks Rembrandt for a picture, it’s bound to end in tears. Published in Artistic Licence.
Photos
Script Excerpt
Rembrandt: Look, er… I don’t like to ask you this, you of all people, but, er … you couldn’t lend me a grand, could you?
Six: A grand!
Rembrandt: For the house.
Six: I heard you were blackmailing the Burgomaster for the money.
Rembrandt: Witsen? He’s not Burgomaster yet.
Six: Well that’s the point, isn’t it. Keeping his most prominent voter sweet for what is it, nine grand?
Rembrandt: Eight and a bit.
Six: Eight and a bit plus interest.
Rembrandt: Yeh well I suppose… Christ, you know more about it than I do!
Six: I don’t suppose there’d be a picture in it…
Rembrandt: What? For the money?
Six: I’ve asked you on behalf of so many other people…
(Silence)
Rembrandt: You mean for you?
Six: I mean of me.
Rembrandt: Oh no, Jan, this isn’t a good idea…
Six: What?
Rembrandt: No no, really, you shouldn’t ask…
Six: Why? What’s the matter?
Rembrandt: It could be the end of a beautiful friendship…
Six: Don’t be ridiculous.
Rembrandt: Haven’t you heard a word I’ve said!
Six: Listen, you can have a completely free hand!
Rembrandt: Everyone says that to start with.
Six: No expectations whatsoever.
Rembrandt: Only a blind, deaf, dumb and DEAD IDIOT has no expectations.
Six: You want the grand, don’t you?
Rembrandt: It’s just a shame you asked.
Six: What d’you mean?
Rembrandt: Like I say, once one human being places a requirement on another. You see, I was thinking I’d do you anyway. You know, just as a friend. Breezing in and out like you do.
Six: Aw Rembrandt, I’m touched.
Rembrandt: But now you’ve asked…
Six: Just do it anyway.
Rembrandt: You really don’t get it, do you? The asking is all.